The Adventures of PadFoots & ToeBeans #020
…Oh, you’re still here. Sarah…Old Man, Old Man…Sarah.
SARAH MEETS THE OLD MAN
🐾 An overlooked member of the household is discovered in Big Human's bedroom. 🐾
There are portions of the estate I do not regularly inspect.
This is not negligence.
A King cannot personally patrol every room.
That is why governments have departments.
Unfortunately, most of my departments are staffed by Finan.
So there are gaps.
One such area is Big Human's bedroom.
I don't go in there very often.
Not because it lacks appeal.
Quite the contrary.
It is one of the most delightfully peaceful regions of the entire estate.
Sarah rarely goes in there.
Finan is usually wherever Big Human was before she went in there.
Malachi's nonsense generally remains elsewhere.
Lil Human has more interesting places to conduct her activities.
It is quiet.
Comfortable.
There is an enormous bed.
Excellent blankets.
Afternoon light.
Frankly, under normal circumstances, I would have claimed the territory years ago.
Unfortunately...
Buddha got there first.
He lies across the foot of Big Human's bed like an enormous red deed to the property.
And there are certain claims even a King knows better than to dispute.
So I have allowed him to retain it.
This is not because I am intimidated by a Padfoot.
Obviously.
It is simply respect for...
senior occupancy.
Also, moving Buddha would require Buddha to move.
This seems unlikely.
Thus, one of the finest and quietest territories in my kingdom has effectively become...
Buddha's Retirement Quarters.
Which reminds me.
There is also...
Buddha.
...
Oh.
Yes.
Buddha.
I had nearly forgotten.
Buddha is the Old Padfoot.
The very Old Padfoot.
I am uncertain of his precise age.
I believe he predates electricity.
He lives primarily across the foot of Big Human's bed, where he has apparently withdrawn from public life.
He does not attend Household Council meetings.
He does not participate in security operations.
He does not chase anything.
He does not care who gets wet food.
I am not entirely certain he knows we have Sarah.
Actually...
I am not entirely certain he knows we have Finan.
Buddha has been asleep through several administrations.
He appears to prefer it this way.
***A NOTE REGARDING TERMINOLOGY
Big Human occasionally refers to this area as the “Master Suite.”
I object.
There is already a Master of the House.
Me.
I do not sleep there.
Therefore, calling it the Master Suite is misleading at best and a deliberate challenge to the established chain of command at worst.
Big Human may have the largest bed.
This does not confer rank.
For purposes of all future Official Household Records, the area shall be referred to as:
BIG HUMAN'S BEDROOM
or, when relevant,
BUDDHA'S RETIREMENT QUARTERS.
“Master Suite” has been denied.
— Marlowe
Actual Master of the House
Who Was Not Consulted About the Naming
Now.
One afternoon, Big Human went into Big Human's Bedroom.
See?
Perfectly clear terminology.
Sarah followed.
Of course she did.
Sarah follows Big Human with the persistence of a very small, half-tailed government surveillance program.
I happened to be nearby.
For administrative reasons.
Sarah trotted through the doorway behind Big Human.
Then she stopped.
There, stretched across the foot of the bed like a large red anchor...
was Buddha.
Sarah froze.
Buddha did not.
Sarah's ears went forward.
Buddha remained horizontal.
Sarah took one step closer.
Nothing.
Another.
Nothing.
She stretched her neck toward him.
Sniff.
Buddha opened...
one eye.
Sarah immediately became approximately twice her normal size.
I watched.
Big Human watched.
Buddha watched.
Well.
Buddha's one eye watched.
There was a moment.
Newest ToeBean.
Oldest Padfoot.
Neither moved.
Then Buddha closed his eye.
Apparently the inspection was complete.
Sarah remained standing there.
She looked at me.
I looked at her.
I felt there were introductions to be made.
“Sarah...
Buddha.”
Buddha did not acknowledge this.
“Buddha...
Sarah.”
Still nothing.
Excellent.
Diplomatic relations established.
Sarah cautiously moved closer.
Sniffed him again.
Buddha sighed.
Not an angry sigh.
Not an interested sigh.
Just the sort of sigh produced by someone who has been alive long enough to understand that eventually everything new stops being new if you simply refuse to get up.
Sarah sat down.
Buddha remained where he was.
And for perhaps the first time since arriving in this household...
Sarah encountered something she did not immediately climb, chase, attack, steal from, yell at, or attempt to turn into an adventure.
She simply...
sat beside him.
Quietly.
I found this suspicious.
Sarah is rarely quiet unless she is asleep or planning something.
But Buddha seemed unconcerned.
Of course he did.
This is Buddha's particular talent.
Matilda accepts things.
Finan loves things.
Malachi chases things.
Sarah climbs things.
I govern things.
Buddha waits for things to stop being interesting.
It is remarkably effective.
After a while, Sarah curled up near him.
Not touching.
Just...
near.
Buddha never moved.
Big Human smiled.
I pretended not to notice.
And I realized there had been an oversight in Sarah's household orientation.
Nobody had introduced her to Buddha.
This was understandable.
We occasionally forget Buddha is here.
Buddha prefers it this way.
He has essentially established an independent territory at the foot of Big Human's bed where no one bothers him, household politics do not apply, and naps may continue indefinitely.
Frankly...
I respect the arrangement.
I considered asking whether he wished to resume participation in household government.
Buddha opened one eye again.
...
I decided against it.
Sarah eventually followed Big Human back out of the room.
I remained for another moment.
I looked at Buddha.
Buddha looked at me.
“Oh.
You're still here.”
Buddha closed his eye.
Right.
Of course.
I left.
There are some members of a kingdom who require supervision.
There are some who require extensive infrastructure.
There are some who require constant monitoring because they may suddenly decide the curtains are mountains.
And apparently...
there are others who have simply outlived the need for any of it.
Buddha remains at the foot of Big Human's bed.
Sarah now knows he exists.
I have corrected the household orientation oversight.
The Old Padfoot has returned to retirement.
And the so-called Master Suite has been properly redesignated.
A surprisingly productive afternoon.