The Adentures of PadFoots & ToeBeans - Official Household Record #004 - Part IV
…Now what?!?!
🐾 THE CALL OF THE WILD - Part IV: Horribly Mistaken🐾
I had done it.
I had accomplished the mission.
Masterfully, I might add.
I stood there, paws firmly planted upon the Wild, and allowed myself a moment to appreciate the magnitude of my accomplishment.
The security vulnerability had been identified.
The accomplice had performed precisely as anticipated.
The perimeter had been breached.
Big Human had been thoroughly outmaneuvered.
Mission accomplished.
The breeze moved through my whiskers.
The sun warmed my back.
Grass—actual grass—was beneath my paws.
And the smells.
Good heavens, the smells.
I breathed deeply.
Freedom.
Glorious, magnificent freedom.
I, Marlowe, had done it.
I had outsmarted the humans.
I had recruited a Lil Human accomplice.
I had devised a plan, patiently awaited the precise opportunity, and executed it flawlessly.
There could be only one reasonable conclusion.
I am a genius.
I looked around at the vast world before me.
...
Now what?
Hmm.
I confess this particular phase of the operation had received considerably less planning.
Behind me, I heard voices.
“MARLOWE!”
Big Human.
Then—
“MARLOWE!”
Lil Human.
Ah.
My absence had clearly been detected.
They were surely coming to apprehend me and return me to confinement.
Absolutely not.
I had worked far too hard for this.
Admittedly, the Wild appeared considerably...larger...from this side of the glass door, but I was not finished with my exploration.
Besides, I had successfully trained Lil Human to open the door once.
Surely she would simply open it again whenever I decided to return.
...
Right?
Yes.
Certainly.
We would address the finer details of reentry later.
For now, there was an entire world waiting to be conquered.
So I ran.
Where?
Irrelevant.
A proper escape requires movement.
Direction can be determined later.
The tree line called my name considerably louder than the humans did.
I would begin there.
From my observation post upon the dining room table, the trees had appeared quite manageable.
Pleasant, even.
Excellent climbing structures.
Ideal locations from which a skilled feline might survey his newly acquired territory.
Upon closer inspection, however...
these things were enormous.
Towering wooden monstrosities disappearing into the sky.
This was not concerning.
Obviously.
I am an exceptional climber.
In fact, I could climb considerably higher out here than I ever could inside the Estate.
Higher than the sofa.
Higher than the kitchen cabinets.
Perhaps even higher than the upper level of the pterodactyl's lodgings.
I looked up.
There were birds in the trees.
Excellent.
Fresh sustenance.
My inner tiger stirred.
At last.
A proper hunt.
One of the birds suddenly launched itself from a branch above me.
Another followed.
Then several more erupted from somewhere within the leaves.
I reconsidered.
These were not the decorative little creatures I had observed through the glass.
These birds were...
considerably more confident.
They swooped.
They squawked.
They traveled in groups.
And, unlike the blue and gold pterodactyl inside the Estate, these creatures appeared to be operating entirely without human supervision.
No cage.
No training perch.
No Big Human maintaining order.
Anarchy.
Perhaps the trees did not require immediate exploration after all.
I had already gathered sufficient intelligence regarding the area.
There was no need to be excessive.
I moved on.
Then I spotted the pond.
Ah.
Water.
Fresh water, presumably.
A shimmering oasis within my newly discovered kingdom.
Now this had potential.
I moved toward it.
Slowly.
Regally.
Exactly as a wild predator approaches his watering hole.
I imagined myself drinking from the edge while surveying my territory.
Perhaps catching a fish.
Yes.
Fish.
Fresh fish.
This expedition was improving considerably.
I reached the edge and peered into the water.
It was dark.
Very dark.
I could not see the bottom.
Something moved beneath the surface.
...
Fish.
Obviously.
Probably.
Another ripple appeared.
A considerably larger ripple.
I froze.
It occurred to me that I possessed absolutely no information regarding what else might inhabit outdoor bodies of water.
Fish, certainly.
Perhaps frogs.
Snakes?
I had heard the humans speak of those.
And then another word surfaced from the extensive archive of Human Chatter I generally ignore.
Alligator.
Hmm.
I stared into the water.
Until this moment, I had been considering what I might catch for dinner.
It had not occurred to me that something in the Wild might be conducting a similar assessment...
of me.
I backed away from the pond.
Purely tactical.
There would be plenty of time to inspect the aquatic division once I had established appropriate security protocols.
I turned my attention elsewhere.
The breeze moved through my fur again.
Earlier, I had found it exhilarating.
Now the same breeze delivered approximately 4,700 unidentified smells directly into my face.
Dirt.
Water.
Flowers.
Leaves.
Birds.
Other animals.
Things I could identify.
Things I could not identify.
And several things I was increasingly certain I did not wish to identify.
The Estate had smells, of course.
But Estate smells were orderly.
Predictable.
Big Human.
Lil Human.
Matilda.
Buddha.
Malachi.
Food.
Laundry.
My litter box.
Occasionally the pterodactyl.
Everything had its place.
Out here?
Chaos.
Then—
WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!
I stopped.
My ears shot upright.
That...
was a Padfoot.
But it was not one of my Padfoots.
Another bark answered from somewhere farther away.
Then another.
Unknown Padfoots.
Unsupervised Padfoots.
I suddenly found myself appreciating Big Human's rather meticulous control over the domesticated variety.
Matilda was sensible.
Buddha respected boundaries.
Malachi was an idiot, certainly, but he was a known idiot.
These creatures?
I had no dossier.
No behavioral assessment.
No established chain of command.
For all I knew, the Padfoots beyond the Estate were wolves.
Wild, ravenous wolves.
Perhaps dozens of them.
Possibly hundreds.
I listened carefully.
Silence.
Then—
RUSTLE.
Something moved in the vegetation beside me.
I jumped.
Not because I was frightened.
Let the record clearly reflect that.
I merely performed an extremely rapid vertical reconnaissance maneuver.
I stared into the bushes.
Nothing.
Another rustle.
I took several steps backward.
Perhaps considerably more quickly than necessary.
The Wild had changed.
Only moments ago it had been magnificent.
Now the trees were too tall.
The birds were unsupervised.
The pond contained unidentified potential murderers.
The wind itself was delivering suspicious intelligence.
There were possibly wolves.
And now...
something was in the bushes.
I looked back toward the Estate.
It seemed farther away than I remembered.
Much farther.
And somewhere behind me, through the trees and the smells and the birds and the possible wolves, I heard her again.
“Marlowe!”
Big Human.
Her voice sounded different now.
I couldn't quite identify why.
Less commanding.
More...
concerned.
I stood perfectly still.
My ears turned toward her voice.
For the first time since discovering the patio, a rather uncomfortable possibility entered my mind.
Perhaps the Wild had been somewhat misrepresented by the view from the dining room table.
Perhaps Big Human's restrictions had not been entirely unreasonable.
Perhaps climate control had certain merits.
Perhaps—
RUSTLE.
Absolutely not.
I moved.
Quickly.
In a direction that I assure you was entirely intentional.
Mostly.
I was not frightened.
I was not lost.
And I certainly had not made a terrible mistake.
...
Although I was beginning to suspect that I may have been...
horribly mistaken.
Marlowe's Journal
A successful operation requires careful planning.
Apparently, this includes planning for what happens after one succeeds.
An oversight.
Nothing more.
Also, let the record reflect that a domesticated Padfoot under competent human supervision is vastly preferable to an unidentified Padfoot of potentially wolfish origin.
Further assessment of the Wild may be necessary.
Preferably from indoors.