The Adventures of PadFoots & ToeBeans #010
THE EXPERIMENT CONTINUES…
🐾 An unfortunate update regarding the temporary feline. 🐾
Finan is still here.
I feel this should be stated first because apparently no one else finds it concerning.
The arrangement was presented to me as temporary.
A foster.
An experiment.
A brief opportunity for Big Human to nurse one rather pathetic little feline back to health while simultaneously testing her ridiculous theory that I required companionship.
I do not.
Nevertheless, the experiment remains in progress.
Finan, unfortunately, is not particularly impressive.
I will concede one thing.
He is appropriately dressed.
The fellow arrived wearing a permanent black-and-white tuxedo, complete with white gloves and a rather respectable shirtfront.
A bit formal for a temporary houseguest, perhaps, but I appreciate standards.
He comes dressed for dinner naturally.
Which, as I would later discover, is convenient...
because apparently he intends to attend every dinner. Including mine.
Beyond the wardrobe, however, his condition leaves much to be desired.
He coughs.
He sneezes.
His nose runs.
His eyes run.
Occasionally, I am unsure which part of him is not leaking.
Big Human follows him around with medicines, wipes, bottles, and various other instruments of humiliation.
Finan accepts this treatment with absolutely no dignity whatsoever.
He sits there looking pathetic.
Big Human says things like,
“Poor baby.”
Then she wipes his face.
He looks even more pathetic.
Then she kisses his head.
I have begun to suspect this is intentional.
Finan has also developed an attachment to Big Human that I find excessive.
When she is home, he follows her.
When she sits, he climbs on her.
When she lies down, he lies on her.
Apparently personal boundaries are another thing Finan was not provided before arriving at this estate.
Lil Human, however, is a different matter.
Finan is terrified of her.
Understandable.
She moves quickly.
She speaks loudly.
She has unpredictable hands.
I have personally spent considerable time studying Lil Human and have determined that the safest approach is to maintain awareness of her location at all times.
Finan's approach is simpler.
Run.
This seems effective.
But when Big Human leaves?
Finan follows me.
Room to room.
Chair to chair.
Window to window.
I turn around.
Finan.
I move.
Finan.
I lie down.
Finan appears beside me and attempts to lie down too.
Apparently, in Big Human's absence, I have been appointed Substitute Big Human.
I did not approve this reassignment.
Still...
He is sickly.
And small.
And obviously confused.
So, out of the goodness of my heart—and solely in the interest of charity—I have permitted this behavior.
Temporarily.
I want that documented.
Then came The Incident.
I entered the dining room at approximately 6:17 p.m.
My bowl had been filled.
I approached.
And there he stood.
Tuxedo immaculate.
White gloves positioned neatly beside the bowl.
Face buried in my dinner.
I stopped.
Finan continued eating.
I looked at Big Human.
Big Human looked at me.
Finan continued eating.
I looked back at Finan.
Still eating.
Apparently dressing appropriately for the occasion does not make one a gentleman.
There are multiple bowls in this house.
There is food available specifically for Finan.
And yet this tiny, leaking charity case had placed his entire face into my dinner.
“Finan,” Big Human said.
Finally.
Law and order.
She picked him up and moved him to his own bowl.
I approached mine.
There was noticeably less food in it.
I looked at Big Human.
She laughed.
She. Laughed.
This household is deteriorating rapidly.
Worse, I believe Finan is getting fat.
When he arrived, he was a scrawny little thing.
All legs and ribs and enormous ears.
Pitiful, really.
Now?
Rounder.
Heavier.
Fur improving.
More energy.
Suspiciously healthy-looking for someone allegedly here because he is sick.
Big Human seems pleased by this development.
I am less impressed.
Because I know where the additional calories are coming from.
My bowl.
Yesterday I caught him again.
Same tuxedo.
Same white gloves.
Same complete disregard for property rights.
He looked directly at me while chewing.
There was no remorse.
None.
I am beginning to understand why Big Human believes he needs supervision.
And apparently, because this entire ridiculous experiment was her idea, some portion of that supervision has now fallen to me.
Fine.
I shall continue.
For charity.
Not because I like him.
That would be absurd.
He is merely a temporary, formally dressed, increasingly well-fed medical case who happens to follow me everywhere.
There is a difference.
A very important one.
Marlowe's Journal 🐾
The temporary feline remains.
He leaks less than before.
He follows Big Human everywhere.
When she leaves, he follows me.
He has attempted unauthorized physical contact during several naps.
I have allowed it.
For medical reasons.
He is gaining weight.
This is encouraging.
Unfortunately, some of that weight belongs to me.
His formal attire remains impeccable.
His table manners do not.
Further monitoring required.